Pain In The Neck
Pain in the neck is what brought me to the brink, broadsided by a white Ford Explorer at 40-miles-per-hour in the side sliding passenger door of my Honda Odyssey minivan eight years ago en route to an MRI for neck and thoracic pain. A pain I imagine began sometime around my third child and after my mother moved to Colorado. Lying sideways, suspended by a seat belt harness, my burning ear smashed into the side curtain airbag, suffocating by fumes of smoke, I exhaled a sigh of relief my children were not with me. How did I wind up here? My life needed to slow down except for the 8-month-old child with RSV at home, my fourth, who needed his mother’s milk and care. Shards of broken glass poking out of my blood stained flesh, a pounding hematoma in my left ear, interrupted by a constant ringing from the firecracker explosion of impact, warm salty tears of exasperation and hopelessness consumed me.
“No wonder you have pain in your neck,” my mother stated with gusto when the pain became debilitating “you have four kids!” Turned into “You have no business getting a job with four kids,” upping the ante to prove her wrong and bring further purpose to my life consumed by children. My career on the back burner for years of child rearing, I could no longer stomach the loss of career satisfaction, positive performance evaluations, a sense of importance in board meetings, or merely using my God given talents clearing out the cobwebs in my brain to problem solve a solution that didn’t involve coordinating preschool tuition or sports activities.
My husband in tune with his work-life balance needs became the Forrest Gump of marathon running. Logging miles running further and faster with each new child, he knew how to take care of himself. I should’ve taken a lesson from his playbook.
The increasing pain in the neck was ultimately the breaking point for me. It’s easy to get sucked into the vacuum of career responsibilities and children’s activities losing sight of the fact that I must be whole to be successful as a parent and spouse. What did I need to survive?
Years of Botox injections to dull the pain left me with the wrinkle-free back of a twenty-year-old. Acupuncture, chiropractor, cortisone blocks, nerve burning rhizotomies in my neck, physical therapy, and prescription medication at any expense, there was no stone unturned, no path untraveled, or so I thought.
A life altering reset at the crossroads of unmanageable pain and a life worth living was the wake up call I desperately needed. Forced to relocate across country when my husband’s company of 15 years closed its Colorado office, I was open to the possibility of change.
A conscious choice to live life in balance was a gift I gave myself with relocation nearly three years ago. Forced to abandon my career climb in motherhood and marriage was something my mother could understand first-hand. Breaking free of mother’s control and doctors who no longer worked for me, I set my sights on the progressive Zen of Portland Oregon where nobody knew my name or capabilities. I found time for yoga, bicycling, reading, writing, reading, playing violin in an orchestra, and volunteering, activities that filled my soul and released my shoulders from captivity.
Raising four children to change the world is a full-time job and I don’t need a book to tell me to lean-in any further. I’ve learned it’s impossible to achieve balance in dual career families, maintain a marriage, my health and sanity, raise children with respect and integrity, and shatter the glass ceiling. Something’s bound to give!
I’m blessed to have the ability to breathe a sigh of relief and appreciate the sun breaks in Portland. Our children have gained independence in our walk-able hood, simplifying our lives. I now use my creative talents to write and executive abilities to orchestrate a date with my passing ship of a husband between children’s activities, knowing my life is relatively in balance. I have the rest of my life to earn a steady paycheck and we have enough. We even have food in the pantry now that time is manageable!
The pain in the neck is all but a distant memory, until I need a good ass-kicking dose of reality, finding myself with shoulders hiked up to my earlobes resembling a football player in padded uniform. It is then that the children hear “No.” A complete sentence that means mom will not drive you to your friend’s house or to school when you can take the city bus or bike. It’s time to build your own resilience.
Recently we were blessed with another job opportunity to move back to ColoRADo. Who doesn’t love the Rockies and 300 days of sunshine? Long-time friendships and the possibility of plugging back into a community where we had a positive impact. My husband noted the lower cost of living and larger lifestyle as positive assets as well as my mother nearby. But what is the cost of living? I’ve learned to live with less. Less is more. Plugging back in is my problem, and if lifestyle experiences have taught me anything, no amount of pain in the neck is worth revisiting.
When confronted with the possibility of another relocation my three older children yelled “No frickin’ way!” My 8-year-old wanted a house in each city. I don't blame him.
“What would be your choice if you didn’t have children, Colorado or Oregon?” my 15-year-old daughter asked. You’ve got to be kidding me, “the south of France!” Having experienced recovery, I believe anything is possible.
“No wonder you have pain in your neck,” my mother stated with gusto when the pain became debilitating “you have four kids!” Turned into “You have no business getting a job with four kids,” upping the ante to prove her wrong and bring further purpose to my life consumed by children. My career on the back burner for years of child rearing, I could no longer stomach the loss of career satisfaction, positive performance evaluations, a sense of importance in board meetings, or merely using my God given talents clearing out the cobwebs in my brain to problem solve a solution that didn’t involve coordinating preschool tuition or sports activities.
My husband in tune with his work-life balance needs became the Forrest Gump of marathon running. Logging miles running further and faster with each new child, he knew how to take care of himself. I should’ve taken a lesson from his playbook.
The increasing pain in the neck was ultimately the breaking point for me. It’s easy to get sucked into the vacuum of career responsibilities and children’s activities losing sight of the fact that I must be whole to be successful as a parent and spouse. What did I need to survive?
Years of Botox injections to dull the pain left me with the wrinkle-free back of a twenty-year-old. Acupuncture, chiropractor, cortisone blocks, nerve burning rhizotomies in my neck, physical therapy, and prescription medication at any expense, there was no stone unturned, no path untraveled, or so I thought.
A life altering reset at the crossroads of unmanageable pain and a life worth living was the wake up call I desperately needed. Forced to relocate across country when my husband’s company of 15 years closed its Colorado office, I was open to the possibility of change.
A conscious choice to live life in balance was a gift I gave myself with relocation nearly three years ago. Forced to abandon my career climb in motherhood and marriage was something my mother could understand first-hand. Breaking free of mother’s control and doctors who no longer worked for me, I set my sights on the progressive Zen of Portland Oregon where nobody knew my name or capabilities. I found time for yoga, bicycling, reading, writing, reading, playing violin in an orchestra, and volunteering, activities that filled my soul and released my shoulders from captivity.
Raising four children to change the world is a full-time job and I don’t need a book to tell me to lean-in any further. I’ve learned it’s impossible to achieve balance in dual career families, maintain a marriage, my health and sanity, raise children with respect and integrity, and shatter the glass ceiling. Something’s bound to give!
I’m blessed to have the ability to breathe a sigh of relief and appreciate the sun breaks in Portland. Our children have gained independence in our walk-able hood, simplifying our lives. I now use my creative talents to write and executive abilities to orchestrate a date with my passing ship of a husband between children’s activities, knowing my life is relatively in balance. I have the rest of my life to earn a steady paycheck and we have enough. We even have food in the pantry now that time is manageable!
The pain in the neck is all but a distant memory, until I need a good ass-kicking dose of reality, finding myself with shoulders hiked up to my earlobes resembling a football player in padded uniform. It is then that the children hear “No.” A complete sentence that means mom will not drive you to your friend’s house or to school when you can take the city bus or bike. It’s time to build your own resilience.
Recently we were blessed with another job opportunity to move back to ColoRADo. Who doesn’t love the Rockies and 300 days of sunshine? Long-time friendships and the possibility of plugging back into a community where we had a positive impact. My husband noted the lower cost of living and larger lifestyle as positive assets as well as my mother nearby. But what is the cost of living? I’ve learned to live with less. Less is more. Plugging back in is my problem, and if lifestyle experiences have taught me anything, no amount of pain in the neck is worth revisiting.
When confronted with the possibility of another relocation my three older children yelled “No frickin’ way!” My 8-year-old wanted a house in each city. I don't blame him.
“What would be your choice if you didn’t have children, Colorado or Oregon?” my 15-year-old daughter asked. You’ve got to be kidding me, “the south of France!” Having experienced recovery, I believe anything is possible.
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