I'm Pregnant
I'm pregnant! That's exactly what I told my boys, husband included, at the breakfast table this morning. Their reactions were worth the cost of admission to this nuthouse and an April Fools joke I honestly didn't think I could pull off!
Truth told, I forgot about April Fools’ Day, still recovering and playing catch-up from a weeklong 'East Coast Extravaganza' Spring Break. The kind of trip, not to be confused with a relaxing beach vacation, wherein we jam packed three weeks of 'Forced Family Fun' sightseeing and history into an exhausting week of fun-filled memories.
Sitting down to a brimming bowl of Honey Nut O's, my 8-year-old was the first to announce, "Look Mommy, it's snowing!" A tried and true prank I played on them when we lived in Colorado, his clever tactics minus his usual poker face were simply adorable. He blurted April Fools before I could look outside.
Meanwhile my 15-year-old daughter sat transfixed by her iPhone typing to a group chat that we had decided to move our family back to Colorado. "How should I say it Mom so they believe me?" she asked half-heartedly before racing off to the city bus faster than my Schnoodle chasing a squirrel out the doggie door.
The house eerily quiet once again with my daughter gone and husband walking our youngest to the bus stop, I could prepare my April Fools strategy for the middle school stragglers still in bed. Googling, I came up empty handed with short notice to prepare and lacking creative brain cells since childbirth.
Think quickly! I heard my husband shut the front door walking with his heavy shuffle towards the kitchen. I knew I was out of time.
With stone cold serious CIA tradecraft skills, I took a sip of coffee and looked him straight in the eyes as he leaned down to kiss me good morning at the breakfast table. I made the announcement in a hush, quiet enough the children wouldn't hear and he'd take me seriously. I'll admit I'm no actress but my look of concern caught him off guard like a jolt of caffeine. I witnessed his life pass before his puppy dog eyes that read, "But I thought we were home free?" He's a good man, so upon hearing my 11-year-old approaching, I let him off easy with a quick April Fools. He didn't know whether to laugh, cry or breathe a sigh of relief. Thankfully he's in tip-top athletic shape so he didn't have a heart attack or shart his pants. Serves him right for horsing around like my 5th child most days!
"Buddy, there's something your father and I have to tell you," I said gingerly as my 11-year-old son slumped down half asleep to slurp his breakfast cereal. My husband shot me a glance of 'you've got to be kidding'. Perhaps he was still recovering from the shock, which again was worth every penny! "Mom's pregnant," I said. Like another shot of espresso, my son sat straight up, staring at me worried. "But I thought you had dad fixed!" he said. "So did I," I replied shaking my head, his father quickly interrupting, announcing that he did not in fact get castrated like our puppy Ozzie. "It was a much different procedure and I still have my balls," my husband announced. For cripes sake, why does the word 'balls' consume my life with four boys, dinner table or otherwise? Eager to shut down the masculine pontification before I erupted in laughter, I let the April Fools slip before my eldest son walked in and my 11-year-old escaped, shaking his head in dumbfounded relief. Am I the only one who thinks this is hilarious?
Standing up, I tried a new approach with my 14-year-old walking into the kitchen, "Son, you know how you were learning about unintended pregnancies in your OWL (Our Whole Lives, a sexuality curriculum) class yesterday at church? Well, your dad and I just found out that I am pregnant again." Knowing full well he didn't exactly want me to have baby number four, I knew his reaction would be awesome!
He was supremely dejected. Though he learned about options in OWL class, I hardly expected him to use the terms abortion and adoption as options for an unborn sibling, further stating that he still wanted me to adopt out his youngest brother. Declaring April Fools before he pressed on in anger, he was obviously not amused by my antics.
"Dude, we would suffer the consequences of our choices by raising another child until we're 70-years-old. We could never give up a child, as cute as you all are," I said hugging him. “You know I'm too old and tired anyway,” I laughed. Totally worth it and I'm glad he didn't punch me in the gut! He'll definitely think twice about safe sex, though now he may never give me grandchildren.
After a full day honing his elementary school skills, my 8-year-old tricked me by getting off at an earlier bus stop this afternoon. "April Fools!" he shouted jumping out from the bushes, as I turned looking around for him. I'm glad the little stinker still calls me Mommy and keeps me on my toes.
There was no arguing at breakfast today; perhaps tomfoolery is the key to success. I cannot wait until I tell my daughter tonight at dinner that we had to cancel her upcoming 'Sweet 16' birthday party because we spent too much on her present. I am truly a sick mother-of-four reaping payback for all the teenage hormones in my life! Cheers to April Fools’ Day and knowing four kids is my limit.
Truth told, I forgot about April Fools’ Day, still recovering and playing catch-up from a weeklong 'East Coast Extravaganza' Spring Break. The kind of trip, not to be confused with a relaxing beach vacation, wherein we jam packed three weeks of 'Forced Family Fun' sightseeing and history into an exhausting week of fun-filled memories.
Sitting down to a brimming bowl of Honey Nut O's, my 8-year-old was the first to announce, "Look Mommy, it's snowing!" A tried and true prank I played on them when we lived in Colorado, his clever tactics minus his usual poker face were simply adorable. He blurted April Fools before I could look outside.
Meanwhile my 15-year-old daughter sat transfixed by her iPhone typing to a group chat that we had decided to move our family back to Colorado. "How should I say it Mom so they believe me?" she asked half-heartedly before racing off to the city bus faster than my Schnoodle chasing a squirrel out the doggie door.
The house eerily quiet once again with my daughter gone and husband walking our youngest to the bus stop, I could prepare my April Fools strategy for the middle school stragglers still in bed. Googling, I came up empty handed with short notice to prepare and lacking creative brain cells since childbirth.
Think quickly! I heard my husband shut the front door walking with his heavy shuffle towards the kitchen. I knew I was out of time.
With stone cold serious CIA tradecraft skills, I took a sip of coffee and looked him straight in the eyes as he leaned down to kiss me good morning at the breakfast table. I made the announcement in a hush, quiet enough the children wouldn't hear and he'd take me seriously. I'll admit I'm no actress but my look of concern caught him off guard like a jolt of caffeine. I witnessed his life pass before his puppy dog eyes that read, "But I thought we were home free?" He's a good man, so upon hearing my 11-year-old approaching, I let him off easy with a quick April Fools. He didn't know whether to laugh, cry or breathe a sigh of relief. Thankfully he's in tip-top athletic shape so he didn't have a heart attack or shart his pants. Serves him right for horsing around like my 5th child most days!
"Buddy, there's something your father and I have to tell you," I said gingerly as my 11-year-old son slumped down half asleep to slurp his breakfast cereal. My husband shot me a glance of 'you've got to be kidding'. Perhaps he was still recovering from the shock, which again was worth every penny! "Mom's pregnant," I said. Like another shot of espresso, my son sat straight up, staring at me worried. "But I thought you had dad fixed!" he said. "So did I," I replied shaking my head, his father quickly interrupting, announcing that he did not in fact get castrated like our puppy Ozzie. "It was a much different procedure and I still have my balls," my husband announced. For cripes sake, why does the word 'balls' consume my life with four boys, dinner table or otherwise? Eager to shut down the masculine pontification before I erupted in laughter, I let the April Fools slip before my eldest son walked in and my 11-year-old escaped, shaking his head in dumbfounded relief. Am I the only one who thinks this is hilarious?
Standing up, I tried a new approach with my 14-year-old walking into the kitchen, "Son, you know how you were learning about unintended pregnancies in your OWL (Our Whole Lives, a sexuality curriculum) class yesterday at church? Well, your dad and I just found out that I am pregnant again." Knowing full well he didn't exactly want me to have baby number four, I knew his reaction would be awesome!
He was supremely dejected. Though he learned about options in OWL class, I hardly expected him to use the terms abortion and adoption as options for an unborn sibling, further stating that he still wanted me to adopt out his youngest brother. Declaring April Fools before he pressed on in anger, he was obviously not amused by my antics.
"Dude, we would suffer the consequences of our choices by raising another child until we're 70-years-old. We could never give up a child, as cute as you all are," I said hugging him. “You know I'm too old and tired anyway,” I laughed. Totally worth it and I'm glad he didn't punch me in the gut! He'll definitely think twice about safe sex, though now he may never give me grandchildren.
After a full day honing his elementary school skills, my 8-year-old tricked me by getting off at an earlier bus stop this afternoon. "April Fools!" he shouted jumping out from the bushes, as I turned looking around for him. I'm glad the little stinker still calls me Mommy and keeps me on my toes.
There was no arguing at breakfast today; perhaps tomfoolery is the key to success. I cannot wait until I tell my daughter tonight at dinner that we had to cancel her upcoming 'Sweet 16' birthday party because we spent too much on her present. I am truly a sick mother-of-four reaping payback for all the teenage hormones in my life! Cheers to April Fools’ Day and knowing four kids is my limit.
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