Adventures In Motherhood

This is a shitty story. Honestly, from my son who woke up sick, to my daughter who left her shit everywhere, to the dog who shit in my car. Either way it stinks to high heaven! I'm effing tired of reminding my sixteen-year-old daughter to pick up her shit. We simply don't have the square footage divided by six people and two dogs to allow for any one person to occupy the entire house with their belongings. I hurdle her shit on the stairs to the basement, on my way to the kitchen, and out the front door. You'd think I'd be in tiptop athletic shape! Unfortunately I stubbed my toe on a chair tripping over her Vans, Nikes and Blundstone shoes to lock the front door before bed last night. Hobbling my way to the kitchen to shut off the lights and grab my cup of freshly microwaved Sleepytime tea, I couldn't help but notice my computer still sitting unplugged on the dining room table. "Yeah, mom," I distinctly remember my daughter saying as she ‘Vlogged’ her f...

Mentally preparing for my oldest driving alone behind the wheel by the end of the month, I can't help but shake my head at the blur of 16 years gone by. Sweet 16? As I pound this pack of gummy bears, a sick vice to withhold my tears and cope with my son's 12th birthday party tonight, I can't help but think how did we get here? Obviously, with piss poor prior planning! (Who in their right mind has two outta four kids' birthdays within four days of each other?) Luckily, I'm only pounding gummy bears and we've been graced with a bit of good luck! I'll admit I had my doubts the first few years of my daughter's life with her choices from sandboxes to scissors but fortunately she's proven National Honor Society material, which is more than I can say for myself! I'd be remiss if I didn't share a few journal gems along the way. January 2005 I need a frickin' nap. One month to go and I'll be popping out baby #2 (20 hours faster than the ...

I'm pregnant! That's exactly what I told my boys, husband included, at the breakfast table this morning. Their reactions were worth the cost of admission to this nuthouse and an April Fools joke I honestly didn't think I could pull off! Truth told, I forgot about April Fools’ Day, still recovering and playing catch-up from a weeklong 'East Coast Extravaganza' Spring Break. The kind of trip, not to be confused with a relaxing beach vacation, wherein we jam packed three weeks of 'Forced Family Fun' sightseeing and history into an exhausting week of fun-filled memories. Sitting down to a brimming bowl of Honey Nut O's, my 8-year-old was the first to announce, "Look Mommy, it's snowing!" A tried and true prank I played on them when we lived in Colorado, his clever tactics minus his usual poker face were simply adorable. He blurted April Fools before I could look outside. Meanwhile my 15-year-old daughter sat transfixed by her iPhone typin...