Adventures In Motherhood

Who knew my former career as an undercover CIA agent with top-secret clearances would prepare me for my largest role as mom to four? Unfortunately my cover was nearly blown for the first time disguised as Santa! Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny, you name it, it's an easy job if my husband would only follow my rules... admit nothing, deny everything, make counteraccusations . We still have an 8-year-old and I have undercover magic left to give! Last Saturday, while counting the Portland Trailblazers basketball tickets Santa had carefully delivered to each of our six stockings, my husband announced we were missing a ticket for seat 7. Oh s*&%! The barcoded ticket I discreetly printed on our color printer must've been thrown away with the wrapping paper on Christmas Day. How was I possibly going to cover my tracks and print another ticket without the kids knowing in the ten minutes before we left? "Santa's cheap!" sang my 13-year-old son laughing. Granted...

Why are mom's always required to think quick before their morning Cup of Joe? Today was no different than any other day of hectic school departures, yet barely into my morning coffee and news, my ten-year-old caught me off guard with his toothless grin. 'Oh s*&%!', I thought to myself. No one loaded the 'dead drop' and the tooth fairy's cover is surely blown this time thanks to a parenting fail! Sauntering into the kitchen after his three siblings had already departed for school, my ten-year-old asked me to guess what happened to him. Last night I attended a school meeting leaving my playful husband (a.k.a. my 5th child) tasked with the evening routine, which undoubtedly dissolved into WWE wrestling and horseplay among the boys past their normal bedtime hour. Out of sight, out of mind, is my mantra, thrilled to escape the chaos with purposeful return at least an hour past 'lights out'. Responding to my wise-guy son, my mind assumed the worst outcom...

Having worked undercover for the CIA prior to starting a family, my colleagues and I would often banter about times we were confronted regarding our true careers, jokingly professing to admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations, rather than risk exposure. Despite knowing my professional background, my children lack the ability to discern my modus operandi when I admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations. While honestly not my parenting style, I must confess that a few clandestine tricks of the trade have come in handy as a mother, especially when it comes to Santa Claus. I distinctly remember sitting on a bench at the North Pole amusement park in Colorado when my daughter, eight years old, asked me if Santa Claus was real. She proceeded to inform me that the secret was revealed on the playground and she no longer believed. For years I dreaded this conversation so much that I found myself ill prepared to answer. After all, we had gone to the North P...