Adventures In Motherhood

January 30, Phuket, Thailand Beach day. We lounged at Patong Beach as paragliders floated overhead, each one with a local guide suspended behind on a wire, somehow steering them into safe landings on a crowded strip of sand. Jet skis roared past like buzz saws. A year earlier, I’d been in the same Indian Ocean, in the Bay of Bengal off Chennai, where the waves rose and crashed with such force I’d thrown my arms wide and ridden them like a child. Thailand, by contrast, looked almost tame. The water lapped at the shore like a kiddie pool.  I would soon learn there was nothing G-rated about Patong.  The beach was pristine, with white sand glistening in the sun, while beachgoers of every nationality carefully laid out towels. Bending over to expose a side of diplomatic relations I didn't care to engage in, I tried to focus on my sunscreen application - not the fact that half the crowd appeared born for thong bikinis. The Russians with tattoos, cigarettes, and Speedos, were first i...

As we begin our +24 hour ‘round the clock travel back in time, and back home to Colorado - leaving our daughter in Thailand and two sons in Seoul, Korea on another flight bound for the west coast - I can’t help but reflect on our extraordinary vacation and the top things I learned not to do in Thailand, in no particular order: 😎 1) Send our 18-year-old Thai-legal drinking-age son to the pool bar for a bucket of three beers in Phuket.   What were we thinking? He came back about twenty minutes later with two beers (one for himself and one for his 20-year-old brother), both of which they were already sipping.  “Where’s the beer dad and mom planned to share?” I asked, laughing.  “I already drank it at the bar,” he replied, “while baby boy here was having his mango smoothie.” He said, pointing at his 15-year-old younger brother. Bruh. We didn’t think he needed specific instructions to bring a beer back to his parents, who paid. I knew something didn’t add up wh...

24 hours on a plane Thursday, and we flew two days into the future overnight, arriving Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately I picked up a pair of cankles in Hong Kong - the only casualty so far.  Day 1 we opted for the Bangkok Backstreets and Hidden Gems Bike tour , managing to avoid Patpong and Soi Cowboy streets where the flashing neon Pimp Club, Spanky’s and Dollhouse clubs light up the night. We pedaled narrow alleyways and drainage ditches, while averting street vendors, motorbikes and wall pissers in every direction, all while navigating the left side of the road and fist bumping beaming children yelling “HI”, The best kind of Forced Family Fun cultural immersion unplugged in my book. Proving even my 15-year-old can crack a smile in a picture. Besides, who can complain when poverty, garbage, shanty shacks and pungent smells overwhelm, only to be interrupted by swirls of jasmine and sandalwood, while precarious loops of electrical wire are dangling dangerously overhead? Lucky me...

You'd think I'd be ecstatic to travel to Thailand this week for Forced Family Fun and to see my daughter, our responsible Fulbright Scholar, teaching English in the north. Temples, tuk tuks, tea gardens, and pedicures. Truth? Two weeks in Thailand and I'm terrified I'm gonna lose someone. Traveling with four adult-ish boys who all agree Die Hard and Gladiator are Christmas movies is like herding cats. Bruh, 6 7. Honestly, I'd rather solo recon than rangle this pack. Serenity now. Matching t-shirts made for easy surveillance when they were shorter than Mom at Disney. Now? We’re doing this in full ’80s Griswold Thai Vacation style, cutting costs and screen time with no international phone plans for navigation, except for my husband and me, because, well…he's my sugar daddy. Next week, I'm either gonna lose my husband in a street market in Bangkok (like Taste of Chicago when we were first married, but with more Typhoid fever and fewer brats) or my 15-year-old t...

We pressed delete on endless scrolling this summer and now the Surgeon General has our back.  Instagram, Tik Tok, Reddit, YouTube, endlessly scrolling, his head hunched over staring at his Iphone screen, this was not the 'epic' summer I wanted for my 17-year-old son! Having purchased his own Iphone for his 13th birthday during the pandemic, our son was addicted to the dopamine hits his technology promised without fail.  As parents, we had tried to ' wait til 8th ' with our third child as we had our older two, though the pandemic lockdown just before his April birthday softened our stance. We hoped the Iphone would provide a virtual social media lifeline to his friends that his Tracfone flip phone couldn't replicate. Fast forward four years and we had a cell phone junkie with a Pavlovian response when his Iphone lit up.  Averaging 200+ pickups a day, it pained me to see my son reach into his pocket for his Iphone, at the risk of boredom, walking from the car to the b...

'Twas the day after Christmas and all through the house,  not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.  Tucked under the covers 'til 10am without spouse,  I had finally woken alone in my house! Six am, my family set off for the slopes, bittersweet.  My recent knee surgery forced me to kick up my feet. Not before I thrift-shopped my legs off Christmas Eve, for ski pants, gloves and coats fit for teens.  My husband begrudgingly purchased the tickets, complaining the effort, was less worth the beans. You see Forced Family Fun is not for the faint of heart.  Though absolutely better when you can take part! The whine of the child who hates skiing, or apply for jobs, or for that matter, reading,  falls on deaf ears to wise 'ole parents of 4 teens. We may look exhausted tho we are resilient,  We insist on life skills and believe less screen time is brilliant. My daughter in tears her boyfriend had parted,  hadn't realized the fun had only just sta...