Adventures In Motherhood

Who knew my former career as an undercover CIA agent with top-secret clearances would prepare me for my largest role as mom to four? Unfortunately my cover was nearly blown for the first time disguised as Santa! Tooth Fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny, you name it, it's an easy job if my husband would only follow my rules... admit nothing, deny everything, make counteraccusations . We still have an 8-year-old and I have undercover magic left to give! Last Saturday, while counting the Portland Trailblazers basketball tickets Santa had carefully delivered to each of our six stockings, my husband announced we were missing a ticket for seat 7. Oh s*&%! The barcoded ticket I discreetly printed on our color printer must've been thrown away with the wrapping paper on Christmas Day. How was I possibly going to cover my tracks and print another ticket without the kids knowing in the ten minutes before we left? "Santa's cheap!" sang my 13-year-old son laughing. Granted...

Opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one!  You know the saying... and as another school year begins, I feel the pressure yet again, not to succumb to the ass-holery that exists among judging adults. Whether I'm at the playground or grocery store, I cringe when people ask, "whatever will you do with your free time now that your children are back in school".  I try not to imagine them thinking of me in a bubble bath eating bonbons. I'll be the first to admit, as a recovering workaholic and overachiever with four children, it's nearly impossible to achieve work-life balance and succeed as a mother. I want to wear a t-shirt that says, 'I've worked full-time, part-time, and been a stay at home mother, and I support your choice'. I was relieved to move to another part of the country last fall where no one knew what I was capable of work and volunteer wise, allowing myself time to breathe and adjust my children to the enormous transition. ...