Admit Nothing, Deny Everything and Make Counter Accusations

Having worked undercover for the CIA prior to starting a family, my colleagues and I would often banter about times we were confronted regarding our true careers, jokingly professing to admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations, rather than risk exposure. Despite knowing my professional background, my children lack the ability to discern my modus operandi when I admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations. While honestly not my parenting style, I must confess that a few clandestine tricks of the trade have come in handy as a mother, especially when it comes to Santa Claus.

I distinctly remember sitting on a bench at the North Pole amusement park in Colorado when my daughter, eight years old, asked me if Santa Claus was real. She proceeded to inform me that the secret was revealed on the playground and she no longer believed. For years I dreaded this conversation so much that I found myself ill prepared to answer. After all, we had gone to the North Pole expressly to visit the jolly ole fellow himself! Who knew this North Pole moment would prove to be my most difficult 'undercover test' since basic CIA tradecraft training?

Lying posed a moral dilemma for me professionally and evidently becomes easier with frequency, so we as parents set a high bar for always telling the truth. "We promise you will get in less trouble if you tell the truth" we assure our children, upholding our pledge thus far, hoping our children confide in us rather than succumb to peer pressure. I'll admit, I have convinced them of the efficacy of my ability to perform a 'CIA lie detector test' from time to time, their sweaty palms in my hands, and this alternate trick of the trade has never failed as well!

"I believe in the magic of Christmas!" was my initial knee-jerk reaction to my daughter's inquiry on that frigid North Pole bench. "But how can he deliver all those presents in one night?" she innocently queried. "Magic," I replied, admitting nothing, "and I can show you on the computer Christmas Eve." Thankfully NORAD, located in Colorado Springs, hosted the official virtual Santa tracker, adding to my story's plausibility. Denying everything she had heard on the playground under the guise of magic, I managed to convince her the kids on the playground were no wiser than her parents and questioned why she would believe them anyway. "It would be sad to not believe in the magic and miss out on the anticipation of Christmas presents," I further reasoned. "It's your choice, but your dad and I believe," I stated with confidence, adding "and so do your brothers, so you better not tell them what you think, or you'll get in trouble!" I secretly hoped enough seeds of doubt were planted that she would reconsider divulging any information to her three younger brothers.

A peaceful six years transpired since that North Pole encounter, when last week, my ten year old informed us that his buddy Solomon saw his mom sneaking coins into his dark room after he lost his tooth. "I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus!" my son exclaimed. A seasoned mother by now, I pressed, "How do you know Solomon's mother wasn't returning money she found on the floor?" My son looked at me quizzically. "If Solomon's mom was the tooth fairy, wouldn't she be doling out large bills instead of quarters for a tooth?" I continued the counter accusations in sheer enjoyment. My son agreed there was no way Solomon would get loose change for a tooth! Encouraging him to always ask questions and not just take people's opinions as fact, my son agreed that his friends were not always the most knowledgeable. "By the way, I believe in the magic of Christmas..." This time I relished repeating the story of denial, rest assured without lies, but of course ending with the threat of consequence if he shared his personal beliefs with his seven-year-old brother.

My eldest son, age 12, has never uttered a word about Santa, likely due to a secret conversation he had with his 'wiser' sister a couple years ago. I can only image it went something like this, my daughter insisting, "Don't even tell mom and dad you don't believe in Santa or they will give you some long sappy story about the magic of Christmas. As long as you want presents, keep your mouth shut!" I smile at the visualization and sibling camaraderie with every intention of continuing my ploy for as long as I live. Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter accusations in preservation of Christmas magic. Sheer joy for this clandestine mother of four who unfortunately will be unable to share this story with her children at the risk of uncovering her methods!

We look forward to visiting Santa this weekend as a family and to enjoying our children's angelic roles in the church nativity with equal anticipation. Blessings to you and yours this holiday season, and Merry Christmas!








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