Phasing Myself Out

Shopping at the grocery store is the bane of my existence. Cleaning bathrooms comes in a close second, but hey, the children are old enough to assist with that now, and even bathrooms are an entrepreneurial endeavor in our house if you want to get paid! Groceries, however, are solely my responsibility as a mother if the children are to eat nutritious meals within our budget, and planning a stocked refrigerator and pantry are no easy task in a family of six with growing teenagers.

Sure my husband and I shared the duties, once upon a time, as 'dinks' (double income no-kids) when life was all about us and dining out was frequent. I cannot help but smile at the freedom and excitement we savored in our youth... I quickly discovered, however, that sending him to the grocery store for more than a few items had diminishing returns with his sweet tooth and lack of savvy from the price of toilet paper to cheese. "No honey, Fruit Loops do not actually contain fruit," I explained, exasperated as one box didn't last one breakfast in our house. "Fruity Pop Tarts do not contain sustenance either!" Certainly not a cost savings for children who relish multiple bowls of sugar cereal and toasty goodness. Needless to say, the children look forward to grocery trips with dad, as a 'beer run' turns into a smorgasbord of delicious sugary sensations.

Honestly, it takes nearly half-a-day to plan meals, drive to the grocery store, shop, unload my cart and pay for the groceries, drive home and unpack a minivan full of food. It's hardly rewarding as I spend five minutes admiring my accomplishments for the day before the food disappears as soon as the kids spy it. "One snack only," is my mantra after school, "unless you grab a fruit or vegetable." Seriously, you'd think we never fed them as quickly as they tear into items reserved for packed lunches. "You will never eat your dinner at this rate!" I exclaim, bemoaning the dinner table behavior that will ensue if the children are already stuffed to the brim with snacks. I can hear my mom's voice in my head, "Your choice to have four kids; just wait until they are teenagers with all the groceries!" So I never complain.

It only took a couple of strangers' comments in the grocery store to make me feel self-conscious. You see, on two separate occasions, individuals approached me, the first asking "was I planning to buy out the grocery store?" as my heaping cart almost overturned while navigating the corner of the aisle, and the second inquired "if I was a millionaire with all those groceries!" I would have gladly yammered on about the wine selection in my cart, had they asked, but smiled and guiltily slinked away instead. Realizing other individuals need to eat, never matter I despised lugging dozens of bags of groceries to and from my car in the rain, it occurred to me that there had to be an easier solution in this day and age of convenience.

Luckily, I have found the key to happiness and I'm proud to share! Grocery delivery. It's literally free and virtually at your fingertips. I buy enough staples bi-weekly that my delivery is free. I don't have to navigate crowds and I save gas, time and energy. I'm actually writing this article because my groceries were delivered last night. The icing on the cake is that my children put them away to boot! For that reason alone, nighttime delivery is the best, as it requires #FFF 'Forced Family Fun' in the name of nourishment. 'You assist, you get to eat', simple as that, and the children enjoy viewing all the goodies in eager anticipation of self-devouring. I simply don't need control of the grocery minutia.

I'm attempting to visualize the positives as my children grow older, like clean bathrooms and groceries delivered to my pantry, rather than bemoan the years of hugs I have left. Who doesn't enjoy all of it? I'm also hoping to phase myself out of needless responsibilities too, while raising responsible adults. Thanks to this, I'm off to fulfill my New Years Resolution... less 24-hour news and more yoga! Zen.