Keeping Up With The Joneses
Parenting is a mixed bag of emotions requiring a thick skin. My husband and I must stay strong, rather than succumb to the pressure presented by our seemingly 'less fortunate children'. I am reminded of our children's inequities in relation to their peers on a daily basis. It seems we cannot keep up with the Joneses!
"Everyone in 5th grade has a iPhone mom, but me!" exclaims my 11-year-old son. His 13-year-old brother with a flip-phone decidedly nods in agreement, chiming in "and you are the only parents who don't let us game all the time like my friends do!"
"How come I'm the only one who has to buy her own cellphone?" shouts my 15-year-old daughter in frustration.
"Why can't I have a laser tag ninja warrior party this year?" my 7-year-old inquires, keeping up with his siblings' attempts to wear us into submission.
"Why do we have to do dishes and garbage?" they complain daily as we attempt to ease our burden, teach responsibility and have everyone pull their weight around the house. Entrepreneurial endeavors such as bathroom cleaning, lawn mowing and car washing even earn them extra money! Why do you think we had all these kids anyway?
As partners outnumbered by four children, my husband and I have managed to weather the hormone fluctuations mostly unscathed. In fact, this mental challenge is likely to prevent early dementia in either of us, should we survive, as we are forced to stay on our toes to outmaneuver their pubescent logic. Honestly, for me as a mother, the emotional heartstrings are the easiest for my children to sever, if I'm not on my game.
Sure we love our children and want to provide them with the best experiences from 'Forced Family Fun' (#FFF) bike rides, sporting events and vacations, to sports activities and music lessons. That is a no-brainer as a parent! It's delineating between needs and wants that is most challenging these days, as it's exhausting keeping up with the Joneses while desperately trying to avoid any sense of entitlement.
Tucking my daughter into bed this past Monday on her 15th birthday, she commented that everyone wanted to know what she received for her birthday, seemingly embarrassed her parents gave her only two presents. "Mom, I'm not ungrateful, but my friends receive everything they want from their parents and don't even appreciate it!" There was no justification that would quell her thought process and I could only offer a listening ear. Leaving her room disheartened, I hoped she valued the thoughtful gifts from her family, rather than lack of gifts compared to her friends. Regardless, I assured myself it would be ok, though comparisons often burden me as a parent. I distinctly remember wanting the latest fashion trends, but how many birthday gifts and unlimited funds does a child need to feel happy?
As parents we simply choose not to buy everything our children desire in an effort to teach responsibility and the value of money. It is no reflection of our love or devotion; someday our children may come to the same realization. My children are frugal and spend their hard earned money on purchases they value, which brings them pleasure and appreciation. When recently asked to pony up $12 for my son's participation trophy for soccer, we respectfully refused. Why shouldn't he earn his trophies? Increasingly it seems society is rewarding children to sustain happiness and shelter from failure. At what expense?
We have additionally opted not to shell out $1,000 per weeklong summer camp for our children, as tennis lessons, biking and a pool pass will suffice as less expensive summer activities. Afterall, extreme summer camp money for four children can be pooled into a fund for #FFF family vacations! In fact, my daughter, a high school freshman, reached out to a summer camp 'all her friends are attending' for a merit based financial scholarship, explaining that her parents simply won't finance the experience. Of her own volition, she bargained that she would earn 50% of the $1,000 tuition through babysitting. I'm thankful to say that she is still under consideration for a partial tuition scholarship as the camp valued her initiative. I am confident she will be proud of her success, should her effort be rewarded.
Last month, she prepared a Google Docs presentation on the merits of buying her own iPhone 8, along with an income statement illustrating how the iPhone 8 could be paid off in 6 months with her 50% down payment. This mamma shed tears of pride in the strong woman she was becoming, independent of her parents and learning life skills. Needless to say, she earned a 6 month loan from us and just received her self-funded upgraded phone. She is thrilled to own the same phone as her friends which is way nicer than my iPhone 6, though I'm content to suffer with the 'sub-par' technology!
Ironically, my children have yet to exclaim that we are the worst parents in the world, as I remember saying in torture of my own parents. We involve them in decisions and value their opinions and communication, which I believe is key. However, we wouldn't be doing our job as parents if they agreed with our every move. I'll admit my confidence wavers at times.
Parenting is the toughest job I'll ever love. We all make mistakes as parents and are trying to succeed one day at a time. I appreciate the adult camaraderie in the thick of it and different parenting styles make for a more interesting world if we all practice kindness. We will never keep up with the Joneses; honestly we don't want to. It is my hope, through all the emotional turmoil, that our children appreciate our exhaustive efforts one day, in lieu of a trophy!
"Everyone in 5th grade has a iPhone mom, but me!" exclaims my 11-year-old son. His 13-year-old brother with a flip-phone decidedly nods in agreement, chiming in "and you are the only parents who don't let us game all the time like my friends do!"
"How come I'm the only one who has to buy her own cellphone?" shouts my 15-year-old daughter in frustration.
"Why can't I have a laser tag ninja warrior party this year?" my 7-year-old inquires, keeping up with his siblings' attempts to wear us into submission.
"Why do we have to do dishes and garbage?" they complain daily as we attempt to ease our burden, teach responsibility and have everyone pull their weight around the house. Entrepreneurial endeavors such as bathroom cleaning, lawn mowing and car washing even earn them extra money! Why do you think we had all these kids anyway?
As partners outnumbered by four children, my husband and I have managed to weather the hormone fluctuations mostly unscathed. In fact, this mental challenge is likely to prevent early dementia in either of us, should we survive, as we are forced to stay on our toes to outmaneuver their pubescent logic. Honestly, for me as a mother, the emotional heartstrings are the easiest for my children to sever, if I'm not on my game.
Sure we love our children and want to provide them with the best experiences from 'Forced Family Fun' (#FFF) bike rides, sporting events and vacations, to sports activities and music lessons. That is a no-brainer as a parent! It's delineating between needs and wants that is most challenging these days, as it's exhausting keeping up with the Joneses while desperately trying to avoid any sense of entitlement.
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| Santa gifted Trailblazers tickets |
Tucking my daughter into bed this past Monday on her 15th birthday, she commented that everyone wanted to know what she received for her birthday, seemingly embarrassed her parents gave her only two presents. "Mom, I'm not ungrateful, but my friends receive everything they want from their parents and don't even appreciate it!" There was no justification that would quell her thought process and I could only offer a listening ear. Leaving her room disheartened, I hoped she valued the thoughtful gifts from her family, rather than lack of gifts compared to her friends. Regardless, I assured myself it would be ok, though comparisons often burden me as a parent. I distinctly remember wanting the latest fashion trends, but how many birthday gifts and unlimited funds does a child need to feel happy?
As parents we simply choose not to buy everything our children desire in an effort to teach responsibility and the value of money. It is no reflection of our love or devotion; someday our children may come to the same realization. My children are frugal and spend their hard earned money on purchases they value, which brings them pleasure and appreciation. When recently asked to pony up $12 for my son's participation trophy for soccer, we respectfully refused. Why shouldn't he earn his trophies? Increasingly it seems society is rewarding children to sustain happiness and shelter from failure. At what expense?
We have additionally opted not to shell out $1,000 per weeklong summer camp for our children, as tennis lessons, biking and a pool pass will suffice as less expensive summer activities. Afterall, extreme summer camp money for four children can be pooled into a fund for #FFF family vacations! In fact, my daughter, a high school freshman, reached out to a summer camp 'all her friends are attending' for a merit based financial scholarship, explaining that her parents simply won't finance the experience. Of her own volition, she bargained that she would earn 50% of the $1,000 tuition through babysitting. I'm thankful to say that she is still under consideration for a partial tuition scholarship as the camp valued her initiative. I am confident she will be proud of her success, should her effort be rewarded.
Last month, she prepared a Google Docs presentation on the merits of buying her own iPhone 8, along with an income statement illustrating how the iPhone 8 could be paid off in 6 months with her 50% down payment. This mamma shed tears of pride in the strong woman she was becoming, independent of her parents and learning life skills. Needless to say, she earned a 6 month loan from us and just received her self-funded upgraded phone. She is thrilled to own the same phone as her friends which is way nicer than my iPhone 6, though I'm content to suffer with the 'sub-par' technology!
Ironically, my children have yet to exclaim that we are the worst parents in the world, as I remember saying in torture of my own parents. We involve them in decisions and value their opinions and communication, which I believe is key. However, we wouldn't be doing our job as parents if they agreed with our every move. I'll admit my confidence wavers at times.
Parenting is the toughest job I'll ever love. We all make mistakes as parents and are trying to succeed one day at a time. I appreciate the adult camaraderie in the thick of it and different parenting styles make for a more interesting world if we all practice kindness. We will never keep up with the Joneses; honestly we don't want to. It is my hope, through all the emotional turmoil, that our children appreciate our exhaustive efforts one day, in lieu of a trophy!
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