Don't Let It Bother You Mom
'Smile and Wave', my premise from a previous article 'I Mustache You To Spread Love' backfired on me last month. I admit this less than stellar parenting moment with a carload of children was a lesson learned by all.
This past fall, a white utility van following behind us scared the bejesus out of me by loudly honking as I made a right-hand turn. Of course I was safely carpooling children to a school event and dumbfounded by the reason for blowing his horn. All five children were surprised when the rude driver of the utility van encountered us at a four-way stop just a few blocks down the road. "He must know us" I laughed, proceeding to smile and wave at the driver and his passenger, proudly proving to the children that, rather than responding in kind to their middle finger wave, I would take the upper road! In hindsight, this was not the most mature shenanigan on my part, as an adult responsible for five children in my minivan.
No sooner did I arrive at the intersection, smiling and waving at the lunatics in the white utility van who were flipping me the bird on our left, then they peeled out, leaving skid marks behind. Oh sh**!, I thought to myself as I saw them cross our path, squealing on two wheels to maneuver a quick left turn at the next block. CIA surveillance training had increased my perception skills and my instinct surmised they would attempt to meet us again down the road. My gut instructed me to arrive first, heading them off, and leave them in our dust, rather than let them get in front of us, trapping us in.
"Jimbas, Jimbas," my boys sang in chorus as my blood pressure elevated along with my speed to make the light 3 blocks straight ahead. Boy were the two men steaming angry when we arrived first, T-bone blocking them in because of a red light on the next block! The 'Jimbas' (my 7-year-old's definition of a very stupid or idiotic person) were unable to turn right and literally forced to face us. Instructing the kids to quit laughing as it only raised the ire of the disagreeable contractors, my ten-year-old admitted fear. Alas, my plan to spread love was not so clever!
While I regretted this encounter, I hoped the crowded streets would avoid further altercation and less road rage. Nevertheless, as the white utility van inched in behind us, practically touching our bumper, I decided to take no chances. Activating my rear view camera by shifting into reverse while maintaining brake pressure, I was able to read the license plate XFJ491 in reverse without raising suspicion. Thankfully their tailgating was so close, they were practically attached to my bumper, avoiding any knowledge of my reversing trick. I cringed, as the teen girls in my minivan hilariously laughed in such close proximity to the blockheads in the van behind us. "Quit looking behind you, these are crazy men!" I smiled, assuring the children that I had a few tricks up my sleeve, thanks to my CIA tradecraft training.
I was prepared to avoid the high school drop-off and call the police, should the idiots continue their pursuit, however, they peeled around the corner at the stoplight, of course waving goodbye with their middle fingers. No doubt a lesson for us all as we collectively breathed a sigh of relief!
I had nearly forgotten this story, until last week when I was driving my daughter home from a violin lesson in the dark near the same intersection. I kindly allowed a gentleman to cross the dimly lit street, prior to making my left turn. As he approached the curb on the other side, a car honked loudly at me for holding up traffic. Ironically, the dude crossing the street turned, flipping me off and yelling profanities, as he clearly thought I had laid on my horn. In all honesty, I wanted to roll down the window cheering 'Happy Holidays' in return but I refrained, as my daughter, laughing at the event quickly turned to me and said "Don't let it bother you Mom!"
I don't smile and wave anymore at people I don't know, especially with a car full of children or in retaliation for 'jimbecilic' behavior. Statistically, given the number of angry drivers who have flipped me the bird or honked in Portland, this is probably a wise move for my sanity and safety. (I think we'll stick to mustaches to spread love in the future. Less risk, more reward!)
I am grateful my daughter, demonstrating patience and maturity, showed me how to rise above the fray, graciously teaching me a thing or two, as children often do! "Don't let it bother you Mom," I remind myself, proudly recalling her voice of teenage wisdom.
This past fall, a white utility van following behind us scared the bejesus out of me by loudly honking as I made a right-hand turn. Of course I was safely carpooling children to a school event and dumbfounded by the reason for blowing his horn. All five children were surprised when the rude driver of the utility van encountered us at a four-way stop just a few blocks down the road. "He must know us" I laughed, proceeding to smile and wave at the driver and his passenger, proudly proving to the children that, rather than responding in kind to their middle finger wave, I would take the upper road! In hindsight, this was not the most mature shenanigan on my part, as an adult responsible for five children in my minivan.
No sooner did I arrive at the intersection, smiling and waving at the lunatics in the white utility van who were flipping me the bird on our left, then they peeled out, leaving skid marks behind. Oh sh**!, I thought to myself as I saw them cross our path, squealing on two wheels to maneuver a quick left turn at the next block. CIA surveillance training had increased my perception skills and my instinct surmised they would attempt to meet us again down the road. My gut instructed me to arrive first, heading them off, and leave them in our dust, rather than let them get in front of us, trapping us in.
"Jimbas, Jimbas," my boys sang in chorus as my blood pressure elevated along with my speed to make the light 3 blocks straight ahead. Boy were the two men steaming angry when we arrived first, T-bone blocking them in because of a red light on the next block! The 'Jimbas' (my 7-year-old's definition of a very stupid or idiotic person) were unable to turn right and literally forced to face us. Instructing the kids to quit laughing as it only raised the ire of the disagreeable contractors, my ten-year-old admitted fear. Alas, my plan to spread love was not so clever!
While I regretted this encounter, I hoped the crowded streets would avoid further altercation and less road rage. Nevertheless, as the white utility van inched in behind us, practically touching our bumper, I decided to take no chances. Activating my rear view camera by shifting into reverse while maintaining brake pressure, I was able to read the license plate XFJ491 in reverse without raising suspicion. Thankfully their tailgating was so close, they were practically attached to my bumper, avoiding any knowledge of my reversing trick. I cringed, as the teen girls in my minivan hilariously laughed in such close proximity to the blockheads in the van behind us. "Quit looking behind you, these are crazy men!" I smiled, assuring the children that I had a few tricks up my sleeve, thanks to my CIA tradecraft training.
I was prepared to avoid the high school drop-off and call the police, should the idiots continue their pursuit, however, they peeled around the corner at the stoplight, of course waving goodbye with their middle fingers. No doubt a lesson for us all as we collectively breathed a sigh of relief!
I had nearly forgotten this story, until last week when I was driving my daughter home from a violin lesson in the dark near the same intersection. I kindly allowed a gentleman to cross the dimly lit street, prior to making my left turn. As he approached the curb on the other side, a car honked loudly at me for holding up traffic. Ironically, the dude crossing the street turned, flipping me off and yelling profanities, as he clearly thought I had laid on my horn. In all honesty, I wanted to roll down the window cheering 'Happy Holidays' in return but I refrained, as my daughter, laughing at the event quickly turned to me and said "Don't let it bother you Mom!"
I don't smile and wave anymore at people I don't know, especially with a car full of children or in retaliation for 'jimbecilic' behavior. Statistically, given the number of angry drivers who have flipped me the bird or honked in Portland, this is probably a wise move for my sanity and safety. (I think we'll stick to mustaches to spread love in the future. Less risk, more reward!) I am grateful my daughter, demonstrating patience and maturity, showed me how to rise above the fray, graciously teaching me a thing or two, as children often do! "Don't let it bother you Mom," I remind myself, proudly recalling her voice of teenage wisdom.
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